Throwing stuff, badly
This is the Kos newsletter: warm email notes from a friend. Finding the simple joy in parenthood, bodies, spirituality, creativity, and beauty. Sound like your jam? Subscribe below for notes a couple times a month.
It’s a new year, why not?
For Christmas this year, my husband signed me up for a six-week ceramics class. I grab an old towel and our shared kitchen apron and race to the pottery studio for a long afternoon of instruction alongside 10 other nervous wannabe potters.
Some of us dabbled in high school. Some of us hand-build. Some of us have never touched clay before. The age span is probably early twenties to late 70s and the vibe is: it’s a new year, why not?
I’m doing it because he bought it for me. I never would have spent the money or time or chosen the place. I’m doing it because he saw me and even though I’ve never said it, he knew I’ve wanted to get my hands back in clay since before we met. What does it feel like to receive a gift so layered and light but soul-stirringly thoughtful?
On the first day, I felt friendly and open. Free. I was playing hooky! Then the wheel turned on, clay in hand. And it turned to, This is a lot harder than I remember and How does the teacher make it look so easy?
Clay is its own thing and you somehow “handle it” and “respond to it” equally. I feel like I’ll be better at it then I was at 16 but I sense clay and I will indelibly bend to each other’s will.
Please know that when you hold a ceramic bowl in your hand, somebody did something amazing to make that happen. Can’t wait to try to pull a large bowl. Fingers crossed.
Morning Pages
October 20, 2023. I was aghast when I opened my journal and saw this date above my latest entry. Could it be? But…how? Through November, December, and January? Writing in my journal surely crossed my mind over the past three months but somehow that thought distilled into nothing but just that. Ah well.
Nobody reads my journal. I don’t report to anyone about my journal writing. But somehow it feels like a rock on my chest when I go too long without writing. It says so much more than what I don’t write.
Busy, with a capital ‘b’. Thinking, with a capital ‘t’. Doing stuff. Living life. But kind of missing that self-introspective, quiet time lots of us crave. Then feeling guilty because that time is probably there, but perhaps buried under Marco Polo’s, podcasts, and Clash Royale.
About a week ago a bigger change came into my life. It prompted a redirection. Part of that is reinstating an earlier morning routine, some of that sitting-with-self time.
Do you love the early morning, too? It isn’t for everyone but, if you know, you know. When the world is dark and the house still quiet—one or two lamps lighting my journal or book or notepad, the only sound the hum of the heater going off and on—that’s my shangri-la. Still a little drowsy, but alone and thinking. Undisturbed. Not yet clear enough to hear my inner critic, still in the twilight of restful self-awaking. I read. Sometimes I write. I stare out the window at the dark roof outline and a waving oak. Take notes; think some more. Curled up on the couch under a big blanket, I’m a fox tricking the farmer. I got here first! I have plans! I thought through that!
Most people probably don’t feel so satisfied with themselves for doing something so small, but I relish in my self-praise for accomplishing this one thing:
Getting up early.
Reading
And maybe writing something
No specific amount of time is assigned. Just whatever I feel like. My guardrails are a) breakfast at 6:50 with the three younger boys and b) dress for my morning walk/jog. The rest is an early morning buffet of my choosing.
Do you wake up early? Do you have an early morning routine?
Watching lately
Love is Blind Sweden: Chef’s kiss! Five stars.
Love is Blind Brazil: Hopefully even better than the first season.
The Bachelor: Delightful casting, including brunettes and women of color!
Fleabag, season 2: Needed to go to church with the ‘hot priest’ again.
Schitts Creek, rewatching maybe?: It’s delightful to be back.
Reading lately
Girls in the Garden by Lisa Jewell: eery, murder, a weird garden. Just started but definitely a page turner.
Sex Talks by Vanessa Marin: responsive vs spontaneous discussion was fascinating
Outer Order Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin
The Overstory by Richard Powers
Emily, Alone by Stewart O’nan
A Year of Everyday Cooking & Baking by Meike Peters
Like the Kos newsletter? Consider supporting my Patreon. You can also join the Little Things Podcast Facebook group and @Toasty_kos Instagram. Thx for your support, always. xo Kos