tbh I'm lonely

let's be a little more honest

This is the Kos newsletter: warm email notes from your friend in Seoul. Finding the simple joy in parenthood, bodies, spirituality, creativity, beauty, and living abroad. Sound like your jam? Subscribe below for weekly notes.

I’ve been wondering lately why we ever offer or ask for career advice. I’m not sure it makes any sense trying to make someone else’s professional life personally applicable. Sure, there may be some basic nuggets of good advice: work hard, get more rest, find a mentor, network, don’t work for bad bosses, never accept the first offer. But it just feels fluffy if you really think of it. My favorite career journey stories are the wild surprising ones like somebody going to art school and then disappearing overnight to track alligators in the Amazon, or the mother of five applying to medical school in her 30s, or honestly any career story from, like, an astronaut because that is insane. But I do also love to hear any story of how somebody got from Job Point A to Job Point B—or why someone never chooses to leave Job A, or can’t.

I wish when we met someone for the first time and asked What do you do? (←such a weird question to ask a stranger) that the curiosity and openness of the asker were so implicit that everyone felt comfortable responding wholeheartedly, whether that’s a 30-second elevator pitch or a 10-minute life story that culminates in the storytellers’ confession to risking everything to start a mediocre churro chart. Or that caregivers and home-makers could confidently respond: I make a home and not feel patronized or placed on a pedestal. Or that day laborers and blue-collar workers were as respected businessmen or surgeons, and that sharing work backgrounds wouldn’t immediately make things awkward like everyone is sizing each other up. Or that the response didn’t imply only professional life or career, and embraced the complexity and nuance of life not centering on only paid work. Or that someone could respond, Honestly I don’t know. I feel lost. What could happen if more of us said to each other,

Honestly, I don’t know.

I’m unsure if I believe that.

I feel lost.

I feel sad.

I feel joy.

My heart has a hole in it that feels like it will never heal.

I’m lonely.

What could happen if we were all just a little more honest and a lot less scared and stopped trying to be so sure of everything all the time.

What could happen? What are you unsure of right now?

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