This is the Kos newsletter: warm email notes from a friend. Finding the simple joy in parenthood, bodies, spirituality, creativity, and beauty. Sound like your jam? Subscribe below for weekly notes.
Well, hello.
How are you?
I’m fine.
I lost my job last week. It still feels weird, and I know that it still will next week.
I booked a cruise with my sisters. A family vacation. A friend weekend. My closet is clean, dust boards scrubbed, and car serviced. Succession started.
Yesterday I accidentally walked my usual morning walk to the transbay bus. When I realized I was doing it, I quickly turned around and jogged up a winding path between two nearby houses. That was the first time I felt sad about all this.
This is not my first time getting laid off. (What a strange thing to say aloud.) I feel a lot of gratitude for that, right now. It’s sort of like the universe is laughing. I only look back at that first layoff with relief and thankfulness, truly. SO MANY good things came out of that forced change. Another great job, an international move, living in Asia during the pandemic, excessive family time, gratituous me time, better health. I don’t see how this could be any different. It’s like a reset. I didn’t choose it but, hey.
One of the hardest things about getting laid off is navigating other peoples’ feelings about your job loss. It hasn’t been difficult for me this time. But last time? My gosh. The look on people’s faces, the weird Linkedin messages from people I barely knew, the searching texts, the probing financial questions from family and friends. Nobody died but it def felt like it with acquaintances’ heartbrokenness and life advice on “how to move forward”. I look back and know I was too nice. I need to practice not responding and letting the stupid things people say sit in the air without me swooping in to coddle them. Not to be mean, but to respect myself more. To hold up a boundary. Like people do in movies.
This time the Linkedin messages hit the spot. “That sucks.” “I loved working with you.” “Meta is dumb.” This time, I wasn’t the only one laid off. It was a collective corporate vomit over email, then virtual offerings of 7 up, back pats, and saltine crackers. Waiting while all our stomachs settle from the stress on our systems. Maybe me still worrying about the high priority projects I was working on content for that was due that Friday.
I appreciate every text, call, message, etc. I really do. I’m not relaxing lol but there have been moments of quiet because of course, 50 hours of my week just freed up. It’s filled up with banana muffin baking, stain treating, Linkedin messaging, and bedtime reading. It’s good.
I’m taking a beat, then I’ll be back on the hunt.
Best,
Kos
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