Hi, I’m Koseli. This is a weekly note about my life in Seoul, motherhood, creativity, books, and products I love. Let’s bond over the little things.
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Hello,
Does anyone else ever feel like the weekend is a portly Emperor skipping down the street in his birthday suit? All parents are lined up on both sides of the street, shaking their heads and wringing their hands because everyone’s cheering him on but he’s butt naked and nobody wants to see that but it’s tradition so we’re all there? No? Okay. Well here’s me confessing that I dread the weekends but wish I didn’t. Maybe 5% of Sunday nights I feel rested and ready to start the week. The rest of the time, I get 20 quiet minutes wherein I fret about losing my patience and force my shoulders to relax and slather serums on before I fall asleep.
When I was young, Friday was everything. Everything. When I woke up on the last weekday, I smiled to myself. I saved my cutest outfit for school for Fridays. Sleepovers were on Fridays. Ice cream and tv(maybe even Simpsons?!) were on Fridays. Mom and Dad were chill-ish on Fridays. I didn’t do homework on Fridays; there were still two nights until I could agonize late into Sunday night to finish Mr. Crump’s political science study guides. I was free! Friday Koseli vibed with Rachel Black cruising down the street in a rented convertible. Anything could happen on a Friday. Rarely, much did.
As I got older, there were boys. That made the weekends much more interesting. But honestly, the weekends were never too different than the week. I was the same person Tuesday as I was Saturday but on Saturday, I lounged in thick cotton track sweats without a bra and read in sunny corners of our house. My little sister and I stayed up late watching Downton Abbey, munching cinnamon sugar toast. Sundays we went to church, came home hungry, and scarfed down slow-cooked roast and bubbly roasted potatoes. I’ll never forget the smell of home walking in after church on Sunday.
Now I’m in charge of co-creating The Weekend for four kids and I confess I fail miserably most of the time. We run out of groceries. I’d rather write than go to the park (again). We limit screens but I just want quiet. Togetherness, but quiet. Church overwhelms me. Saturday extra-curriculars sound fun but packing snacks and leaking water bottles and taekwondo uniforms at 8:30 am on Saturday is the antithesis to what I want, and need. We tag team all weekend, finding slightly more peace when our four wild things are split up and diced.
Many times there’s a walk. A family walk or more likely, a long walk by myself. My husband goes on one by himself too. I hate running out the clock until school on Monday but after these last almost two years, I have no desire to recreate free time or any time off from structure activities. All I want is structure. Reliability. Stability. A place my kids can safely learn and socialize and argue about Pokemon on the playground. I want to get calls from school saying my 3-year-old is throwing toys again and not listening to his teachers because that means he 1) exists in another realm for most of the day in which I am not 2)he’s playing with toys that aren’t his or his brothers 3)other kids to throw toys at? that means he’s with other kids! sign me up! and 4)he has teachers <heart eyes> aka other adults to care for and teach him.
Sometimes I wonder if the last two years have destroyed any hope. I used to be optimistic. My Instagram bio literally said Eternal optimist for years. I took it down in 2020. It’s gotta come back, right? I’ve always been a hopeful, pretty cheerful person. But I sense cynicism sneaking in where it never dared before. It’s scary. It’s lonely. Maybe I’m just growing up? Maybe we’re all a biologically mutated poop by-product as a result of the pandemic? Who knows.
I’ll keep walking. I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep typing these non-sensical newsletters each week because it helps me feel sane. Join me in keeping on?
xo Koseli
P.S. NaNoWrimo is going splendid thanks to 1) getting my butt in the chair every morning after the boys climb on the bus and I eat two eggs w/ green enchilada sauce 2) silly running Spotify playlists 3) Alisha, my nanowrimo partner in crime—across the world. Your texts keep me going.
I’m at 70k words and now rewriting my humbling crappy draft. Yikes.
May I recommend This Tender Land? I read it in two days this week and can’t stop thinking about it. It’s literary historical fiction with a touch of magic. For romance, I’ve enjoyed Life’s Too Short. It’s silly, sweet, and sexy. I’m still off social media + internet majority of the team so I have zero links to share. Feels kinda good. I have no idea what’s going on in that realm. I feel like Toad from Frog and Toad. What are you reading or watching these days?
You have an uncanny ability to put into words exactly the way I feel most of the time. Your comments about weekends are a great case in point. May I just copy your articles into my journal? 😂 JK. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing.